solar return

I find myself torn between the figs of sylvia striving for a better ending than I could ever deserve. The circles I have made around the sun have yet again reached a new life, another among the million I feel to have already lived. How can it be that in such short time, there have been more people to love than be counted and too many apartments to keep all the furniture.

The nostalgia never seems to grasp me fully, it more so turns into appreciation for the shortcomings that I have come to rely on, the strengths I have felt and yet never trusted enough. The people I met along the road have been the golden rays of sunshine in the snowy winter of my mind, for direction and confusion, mistakes and pain.

They loved me in the greatest ways, in many cities, with lonely hearts and pouring tears never forgotten in the pages of my diaries. Little hints beneath dinner tables, and big gestures on frozen balconies. They showed me how deeply I can feel, how deeply I can hurt, how different they are from me.

So as I approach my 20th circle of life, the friends I have gathered, the lovers I have lost and the shooting stars I wished upon- they all are me.

To be young in a world full of laughter and dancing, among the ones I will meet when another invisible string pulls us closer, between the ones that I call home after only a month, to music that is made of our heartbeats.

It’s the greatest of times to be alive, through our unspoken rules and carefully articulated eyes. Tongues that knot in your belly and hands that sweat in your brain the signs of true, unmistaken fortune- ready to be caught by all of us.

To navigate such a journey one is lost without high stakes and winding paths that are crossed in themselves, only to be entangled with others. And so our circles form shapes that we can’t see above and beyond our horizon. Sometimes I try stop running, but I never do. Except for a few minutes, only with you.

Cheers to an even more loving circle, filled with people I am destined to meet again, loves to held tight in the roughest of storms and friends to sit with, talking about nonsense and the core of our being. Silly and ruthless, not afraid of loosing the battles we chose, if we only take a second to stop running.