Arrival

My blatant New York existence was already cursed by fate as the moment of my arrival was undeniably connected to an era of destruction and fear. Even though the event of the demise happened long before I entered this world, its aftershock remains to this day. I never got to feel the fear and trauma the twins' souls left in this city of seemingly endless freedom in its core, but I do feel mine. The very moment I opened my eyes in the streets, I felt the mirroring knives cutting through an infinite blue. Not comparable to the strangely enlightening blue of Marlboro menthols, which the chef of Balthazar smokes just around the corner, but a greyish one. It does remind oneself of the blue eyes one used to read about in Fitzgerald’s Great Gatsby, only the grime and dirt blurred its crystal clear sight. New York doesn’t grant you the comfort of blindness tho, you are confronted with nothing but yourself. One may try to distract oneself by watching businessmen trying to prove their egos, acting disturbed by the smell of pizza and weed, looking horrifically similar to the golden lions in the soon-to-be-closed antique store they walk carelessly past.

I came here, with the taste of Fourth-of-July-hope in my airport gum. Dreams about the glamour of the country America used to be got shattered the minute I looked into my eyes. Reflected by mentioned knives I stared into my sculpted persona, made to depict my chosen destiny. My hope of leaving everything behind represented itself in the black trash bags to my left, burning in the sun of a late summer day. rush is too fast, you don't get to look at your core. The moment you finally feel close enough, almost there to decipher your soul's desire, to get why you're here, blank stones take over and the reflection is gone. One might try to find it in the faces of the people passing by, but all one sees are the faces of long-lost lovers. Looking into the faces of kids that are way too young to give up on hope, I found none of it was left in theirs. They understood what I just realized seconds ago. The ones that live on hope are the ones that die.